Everyone should go watch a roller derby game at some point, and I guarantee you will leave it slightly confused. The referees blow their whistles a lot and sometimes the jammers score points when they beat the blockers and sometimes they don’t…But at least if you turn to anyone sitting around you, they will gladly explain the rules and try to make you understand the latest play.

Besides not knowing what’s going on during a derby duel, WPRB had a hard time brainstorming music. The previous Friday, Molly and I did a derby show, where we asked people to call in and request what they thought “derby music” was. At the actual East Coast Derby Extravaganza in Feasterville, PA, we DJed outside by the pool (where everyone clustered after their games ie there were a lot of people there), blinding reaching for albums ranging from funk to electronica that we had played the night before. Here are some important things we learned from the experience at ECDX:

1. A roller derby match requires almost as many referees and officials as it does players
2. You can’t actually punch people during a roller derby match as presented in Drew Barrymore’s Whip It
3. Any form of baggy clothing in a derby match is completely unacceptable while glitter is always an A+ choice
4. You can buy roller-skate wheels in all colors
5. Derby ladies are extremely tatted, pierced, helpful, and nice
6. Derby ladies are my new fashion icons (think nouveau Americana, example: American flag denim vests, Urban Outfitters’ high-waisted shorts, and asymmetrical bathing suits)
7. Bootsy Collins, The Wu-tang Clan, Justice, Tennis, Bassnectar, and the Noisettes are all acceptable things to play at derby tournaments (Note: One derby girl’s name was Bootsy Killins)
8. No pair of shorts are too short
9. There is always a helpful sound guy around
10. Mixers never follow the plan ie we had some sound malfunctions.

Next year, I hope that WPRB participates again, but instead of just DJing, I think we should form a team. Email me at derby@wprb.com if interested. (Just kidding, that’s a fake address, but still…I kinda want to wear skates and spandex and wham some girls to the ground.)